Life as a Christian

When I look back at the past six years, there were different “Phases” I went through in my walk with God. I know other Christians have similar experiences because the fact is that we are always growing. If you’ve always thought the exact same way you did from when you were first saved, then in my opinion something’s not right. Things come along and change your view; God gives you revelations from beginning to end. Which brings me to the first phase I can recount, the “Innocent New Christian Phase”.

When I was first saved like most people I was really “on fire” for God. I looked forward to being a Christian for the rest of my life. Although I’d gone to church for as long as I could have remembered, asking Jesus into my life, and for real that time, felt like I was really living for the first time.

Now, at first I really wasn’t going to church every day of the week. In fact I had quit youth church after our youth pastors moved away. Basically, all that mattered was me reading my word and worshipping God. I didn’t need my life to be Christianized in every aspect to know I had a relationship with God.

That changed when we got new youth pastors and I had more of an interest in church. This next phase I’ll call the “Holier Than Thou, Thou, and Thou. Phase” You did not want to be my friend during this stage in my life. I had no problem pointing out to you what you were doing wrong. I remember one time I went looking for the kids in my neighborhood to witness to them. And by witness I mean tell them that they had to stop sinning and making them promise they wouldn’t have sex before marriage, or they’d go to hell and God wouldn’t hear their prayers. Yes, I was really crazy, but with good intentions.

I was hooked on Christianity. I threw away all of my secular music after hearing the message The Truth Behind Hip Hop, by G. Craige Lewis. And if by any chance you listened to secular songs, you clearly weren’t a real Christian, so I looked down on you.

I stopped watching secular shows, and was so shocked that my mom would DARE let my little brother watch The Simpsons! And when my friend lost her virginity, I made sure she repented and tried to get her to break up with her boyfriend. And when she refused to go to church with me the next day! That was the final straw. We just couldn’t be friends anymore.

And believe me. I was the holist I could ever be. I memorized the Ten Commandments then made sure I perfected each and every one of them in my actions. Then I went through and perfected the “Fruits of the Fruits”. You know, Love, Joy Peace, Patience… yes, I was definitely going to heaven.

Thank God that I went on a mission’s trip to Guatemala and got a small taste of reality. This phase I’ll call “Walls Just Starting to Come Down.”

In Guatemala I had the time of my life. All of the missionaries were very down to earth and loved and feared God. It was all how life was supposed to be. Until I received the shock of my life.

Some of the younger missionaries, who clearly loved God, were listening to the Black Eyed Peas! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and hearing. This was a disgrace. But then again, I knew these girls were not sinners. They clearly were serving God. So I asked them “How is it that you listen to secular music? How do you know which songs are bad and which ones are good?” The answer I found shocking. One of the girls told me that you just know what’s not right for you by listening to the way it does or does not convict you.

Her telling me this was very important because for the first time in my life, I realized that what God convicts one person of isn’t necessarily the same for everybody. Even after the trip I didn’t feel right listening to secular songs, but I at least knew that the fact I felt led to exclude those things from my life didn’t make me a “Better” Christian than those who didn’t. At this point, those religious walls I had put up were beginning to get chipped away.

I was becoming a lot less up tight and less crazy about my faith, and I knew I was in a much healthier place. I continued in that direction after I heard a message by Pastor Judah Smith online, where we began to teach on grace. I’d always heard preachers say that we were saved by grace, but never truly knew what it meant. But for the first time I knew that our salvation had nothing to do with what we do, but was all about what Jesus had done. So all that commandment memorizing and nights watching “Way of the Master” really benefited me nothing when it came to getting me to heaven. When you trust in God for salvation, you’re as saved as you can ever get.

After God started breaking down many of the walls I put up, I found myself in a new phase that had me feeling the most distressed than any of the other phases. It happened while I was reading my bible and reached. Romans 4:13-25 (The Message):

“13-15That famous promise God gave Abraham—that he and his children would possess the earth—was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. It was based on God's decision to put everything together for him, which Abraham then entered when he believed. If those who get what God gives them only get it by doing everything they are told to do and filling out all the right forms properly signed, that eliminates personal trust completely and turns the promise into an ironclad contract! That's not a holy promise; that's a business deal. A contract drawn up by a hard-nosed lawyer and with plenty of fine print only makes sure that you will never be able to collect. But if there is no contract in the first place, simply a promise—and God's promise at that—you can't break it.”

The reason this scripture was so significant to me was because I seen it as running contrary to much of what I had been taught about how God provides for us. If God doesn’t provide for us because we do everything we’re told, then I see that as a contradiction to the preachers who get on the platform and say things like “God has a blessing for you. And it will only be released if you plant a seed of a thousand dollars”. In fact, I now know that that’s just flat out wrong. But that’s a discussion for another time. The point is that this scripture not only made me question those preachers who did such things, but it made me wonder what else I could have believed that was wrong. Were there more contradictions taught in the church that I’d gone on believing?

Reading this scripture brought me to a new phase in my walk with The Lord that I’ll call “The Phase of Doubt”.

Put simply, I was just tired. I was tired of a materialistic “Prosperity Gospel”, tired of Christian puns and saying, tired of the superstar preachers and their flashy messages. I was Tired of being taught Christianity more than Christ. I would walk past the television and see a preacher preaching about “Get your blessing!” and feel so repulsed, because at one point I believed every word of that “Prosperity Gospel”

I couldn’t sit in church without question every word every preacher said. In fact, for the first time since I was little, I really hated going to church. I would sit there feeling a giant headache. I became a pessimist, which wasn’t good at all. Thank God that I went away to school when I did.

When I finally did leave for Slippery Rock, I flat out left “Christianity”. Now it might sound as if I “backslided”, but I really didn’t. I still had a relationship with God, still stayed in my word, and still worshipped God. I might have doubted every preacher but never doubted who God was and the fact he lived in me. Only I was tired of “Christianity” and wanted nothing to do with Westernized Christian culture. This might sound bad but again, I was tired. I had done “Christianity” my whole life. I didn’t want it anymore.

Eventually, I began to realize that while I can be with God all by myself, I couldn’t have fellowship alone. And frankly I needed to hear messages. It was hard but I made myself start going to bible study at my school. Eventually it stopped being so hard and I started wanting to go, especially because there I didn’t have to worry about some message that I’d feel obligated to question. It really was a place where you studied what was in the bible.

It’s summer break and where a am now is a lot like the “Innocent New Christian Phase”, although I’ve been walking with God for about six years. But I am back to the basic gospel and my relationship with God is no longer complicated by religion. I can sit through church without going crazy and I actually enjoy church again. It’s a lot like something I heard Pastor Judah Smith say before; you have to be less of a pessimist and more about partnership.

So there you go. I went through it all; the religiousness, the questioning, the solidarity, missions trips, conferences, messages, prayer meetings… all just to be back right where I started, sweet and simple.